I had a nostalgic urge to revisit Charlie Brown and the Peanuts Gang. I especially was fond of using the old Fawcett Crest pocket book editions from the 1960s — that’s when I was most immersed with the group while being age 10 and on for a while.
While in a used book store, over a half dozen Fawcett editons were available and I treated myself to a blast from the past. Starting with The Wonderful World of Peanuts, I binged with the group over the next few evenings. I noticed and compared how the earlier strips ‘ artwork was less refined, but more enduring and soft (like an old blanket?)
My partner Jo and I shared our favorite strips with each other, and both were highly amused by the strips that had less text and relied on just a picture (with an occasional exclamation point or question mark.)
To me, as the strips progressed through the years, the lines became less soft; Linus and Snoopy grew up too soon from baby and puppy. The strip defined itself more. and expanded the cast. Also, more neuroses and meanness became apparent.
All of this has led me to wonder: Where are they today?
From Lucy van Pelt’s bureau of misinformation, this is what I have surmised. So, with apologies to Charles Schultz and his estate, I present this satirical look at “The Gang”.
Disclaimer: If you are offended by satire, or if you would not enjoy this what-if concerning cherished Peanut characters, my apologies and PLEASE DO NOT PROCEED FROM THIS POINT.
From the underground files of “Screw Off, Charlie Brown!”, it appears that:
- Charlie Brown: doing time for the massacre of fellow classmates who ‘pushed me just a bit too far, I guess!’
- Lucy van Pelt: Lost her Clinical Psychology license due to prescription abuse for her anger management patients.
- Sally Brown: unable to find a job with her biochemistry degree, Sally currently supports herself as a strip-tease artist under the name “Sweet Baboo-ie”.
- Linus van Pelt: influenced by Cat Stevens’ life, Linus turned to Islam for peace, but has gone the route of Islamic Fundamentalism.
- Snoopy is a rapper on the L.A. scene as Snoopy Doggie Dog
- Woodstock is Snoopy Doogie Dog’s sidekick, known as DJ Woody S.
- Pig Pen: junk dealer, also well-respected found-objects artist.
- Schroeder: of course, is a concert pianist, composer, and gay rights advocate concerning the sexual abuse of others who pressure people into marriage roles.
- Peppermint Patty: of course, a feminist lesbian.
- Marcy: the Alice B. Toklas to Peppermint Patty’s Gertrude Stein.
- Franklin: shot in Florida for walking through a gated community on his way home from a convenience store.
Where do YOU think they are now? Please leave us a comment.
If you have any news about Violet, Patty, Shermy, Rerun, or any of the others, please let us know.